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What It’s Like to Be an “Old” Virgin

Friday, February 7th, 2020

What It’s Like to Be an “Old” Virgin

GQ talked to 40 people about why they waited.

Being a virgin later on in life could be, maybe first and foremost things, a really isolating experience. It is not only an extremely stigmatizing label—only strengthened by news tropes that suggest that older virgins are only punchlines—it’s also rarely talked about freely, actually, or with any standard of compassion.

We chatted to about 40 individuals who stayed virgins it’s like to be a “late”-in-life virgin—why they waited, the obstacles they faced, and what sex was like when they finally had it until they were at least 22 (five years after the average age at which Americans lose their virginity, according to the CDC) to see what.

Needless to say, also asking individuals why they “waited” implies some degree of universal experience, some nonexistent “right time.” The causes individuals offered for losing their virginity later on had been throughout the map. Many people spent my youth in spiritual communities or single-sex schools, which made intercourse more evasive or taboo. Other folks felt unattractive or insecure growing up. Battles with wellness, intimate orientation, and sex dysphoria had been additionally common.

For pretty much every single individual, the biggest stress had not been being proficient at sex, a really normal concern irrespective of whenever you lose your virginity. The longer you wait, the greater amount of experience partners that are potential have—and that disparity can heap on more pressure. The individuals I talked with also exposed in regards to the social stigma to be an adult virgin additionally the toll that is emotional may take whenever you’re perhaps perhaps not experiencing something which it is like most people are doing (and speaking about) on a regular basis.

GQ: therefore, why do you wait?

“I happened to be raised spiritual and Jewish, therefore no intercourse until wedding and scarcely any natural discussion between the sexes, either.” —Daniel, 34, Philadelphia, PA